I have PAM as an ex-spouse. That is not her real name but instead an acronym. P.A.M. ( Passive Aggressive Manipulator) is my black hat. We have a daughter who I love and adore very much and is the only reason I have not broken ties with P.A.M. completely.
Anger is a powerful motivator for revenge. It comes in many different forms but I am only going to discuss two of the non-violent ones. The Aggressive and the Hidden. Allow me to explain;
Aggressive Anger is immediate. You know someone is angry because they express their anger by a threat or by a shout, scream, and in some cases destroying something. I believe this is the easiest type of anger to deal with. At the time it is hurtful and unforgiving but these are, in most cases, temporary emotions. After the storm passes one can talk about the incident with some clarity. This becomes a means to solve a problem, grow from it and move on. It is like being stopped for a traffic violation and given a ticket for something, you at the time felt, did not do. You might become angry, maybe raise your voice or pound your fist on the steering wheel. Then after a while you calm down and think about it. If you were wrong you would accept it, pay the ticket and move on. If you were right you might go to court and when the judge dismissed the case you would feel vindicated and move on. The bottom line is people see your anger. They know that there is a problem to be dealt with.
Hidden Anger is an entirely different type of beast. It is the worst, most difficult anger to deal with. Hidden Anger comes in a disguised form and may take time to do its damage. When combined with the passive-aggressive it becomes the most trying, frustrating experience for the one who is on the receiving side. A passive-aggressive uses Hidden Anger covertly to "get back" at you. This may take the form of not doing some required or helpful action.
Now add the Manipulator. What you get is P.A.M. The passive-aggressive who uses Hidden Anger to serve a purpose. P.A.M. possesses keen skills with manipulation at the top of her list. She is not one you want to cross unknowingly. She has great alibis and displays a happy, charming disposition. This gives her the freedom of a queen on a chess board. If you cross her she will arrive by stealth to get back at you. When some type of behavior or incident comes into question she might use her skills to distract you and others from what is truly going on. People may give her the benefit of the doubt. It is not until P.A.M. slips up and forgets to cover her tracks that she is discovered. However, in my case this has not stopped P.A.M. from continuing with her agenda. At all costs, she covers up the truth and drives a wedge between me and my daughter. The ultimate revenge. I will never stop fighting for Paige and her need and my right to be her father.
It is my hope that you will read my thoughts and in the future read my past and present experiences with a woman named P.A.M.
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